It’s 2am and all I have are the extended edition DVDs.

Trump likes his magnets like he likes his women: bone dry and unable to escape.

In today’s edition of lemmy: poetry.

No, you see, that’s not how it works. The battery needs to be filled to 100%, just like a gas tank. And you should only ever charge once you’re under 10-20%, just like a gas tank (it’s silly to top up every day, that’s just a waste of time). We must be able to exactly replicate the current paradigm for people to be able to adjust.

I drive about 150 miles a week and get gas every couple of weeks. It takes 5 minutes. If I have to go to a charger I’ll be there for hours. It’s absurd.

There’s actually a third circle, “Things That Earn Money,” about 60,000 pixels to the right.

None of what I posted claimed to prove or disprove anything. You keep saying there’s room. Of course there is. We’ve made room. It just remains *conspicuously empty.

Very logical. Wonder why he hasn’t stopped by to reverse the ban since the invention of refrigeration, or at least clarify the rule as just meaning to keep people safe?

“Hey guys, thanks for all the likes and subscribes over the years. Good to see you! Just wanted to give a shout-out to my man Leviticus. We knew, back in the day, that y’all weren’t ready for the whole “microbe” thing, so we wanted to just kinda steer folks away from stuff that could hurt them. But man, you guys have been busy since then! You figured all this shit out! I’m proud of you, I really am. Or at least I would be if I was allowed, am I right?”

crowd laughs

“So yeah, now that it’s mostly safe to eat that stuff, go right ahead. Watch out for buffets though… if they can afford to feed your uncle Charlie for five shekels they have to be cutting corners somewhere. Anyways, I gotta go so I will talk to you later. Be safe! Love, peace, and all that jazz!”

crowd cheers

“Oh, one more thing. If you could stop killing one another in my name that’d be great. It’s super un-cool. But hey, free will and all. I won’t stop you. Until next time!”

fanfare over credit roll

There’s room for both science and god.

I mean… whenever he’s ready.

All these people arguing over genetics. Meanwhile, Boromir has apparently seen some shit.

I used to love Al-generated content when I was a kid. Still do, but I used to, too.

Yeah, that week or two in the spring is nice. Little bits of purple everywhere.

Otherwise, it’s just choking out everything else. Except the English ivy. Which is worse.

Source: my eroded, cracked, dying yard. Cmon, clover, do something ☹️

But they did hit all of the points on the smaller sign. Might have been better to try and work them into the next lines but I give credit for the effort.

It was more a joke about someone being surprised/outraged about her act being overtly sexual than anything else. The “omg so scandalous” ship sailed so long ago that it’s surely been sunk by Antarctic sea ice by now.

Alternate headline:

Fan suing Rolling Stones for ‘forcing’ them to watch shambling reanimated corpse of Keith Richards during concert

…did someone set the Delorean for 1994?

The story of my life.