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Why didn’t just Tom wear the Ring as he makes passionate love with his wife, so he can force Sauron to watch.
Sauron, who is a virgin, who never had a gf and was dismembered and reduced to a giant eye by a fucking human would realize he is nothing compared to Tom, whose girth is beyond even Eru Ilúvatar’s comprehension.
Wishing to die but unable to kill himself as he doesn’t even have a fucking hand to pull the trigger, he would order his orc armies to piss on him, so that the flames of his eye can be extinguished and his mind can be set free of Tom’s all encompassing girth. His spirit would be released to the boundless void that ripples and contorts with Tom’s mighty thrusts and he would find no solace.
Edit: When Tom thrusts his final thrust and shoots a billion Bombadillos deep into Goldberry’s loins, the impact would shatter Sauron’s soul into a billion Saurodillos and he would be free. When this happens, not even the wisest can tell.
Isn’t this canon?
To me, it is now.
I saw the movies first. When I tell you I was shocked by tom bombadill I thought I had lost my mind or had a wrong version of the book. Maybe this was a prank. I had to google it to find out it was in fact reality
I read the books as a youngin’ I was so pissed that they left my favorite character out of the movies. So I kinda had the opposite experience from you.
TLDR?
Sorry yes I only watched the movies, I read the Hobbit and gave up at LOTR 1 page 80 or so, when it was still random stuff not in the movies.
Lol. This might not be popular BUT there’s a reason he doesn’t make the cut in the movies or extended cut releases. Tom Bambodil is basically middle earth’s “MyStErIoUs WaYs.” This is a hot take but I would almost go so far as to say his existence in the world ruins the book, his songs/poetry are terrible and he’s just kind of there. He is meant to be a mysterious figure that lends to the overarching mystery of the world, one who has always been around and is so powerful he is basically a god, but doesn’t actually give a shit about the world outside of himself or the suffering of others. I see him as a vestige of JRRT’s catholicism seeping through, this ultimate force that could end the war but didn’t because reasons.
Edit: grammar is hard after wine
